Once upon a time, someone I was in a relationship with told me I was hard to love. After hearing that, I felt completely crushed, broken, and unworthy. These feelings triggered a side of me I never wanted to deal with but knew I had to.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to hear it to finally have the courage to look inside myself. Once I did, it was the most beautiful and liberating act of self-love I have done for myself. I had no idea how much joy it would bring me to be authentic without fearing people judging me. No more well-played performances, no mask, just the real me. I am learning that vulnerability is not a weakness, and others won’t criticize me if they see me crying. The feelings of shame and not being enough, amongst other limiting beliefs, have been slowly replaced with self-acceptance and self-compassion.
So what changed after I no longer felt stuck inside? With the help of God, endless therapy sessions, and lots of soul-searching, I realized that there was never anything wrong with me. I am not defective, and I am loved just as I am. It was never my fault. My mom left when I was 15 years old, and my dad was an alcoholic. They did their best to raise and help me become who I am today. Is my story exceptional?? No, but I am sure others can relate to what I had to go through.
Yet, I’m proud of myself for speaking out about my past trauma and admitting I’m not Ms. Perfect. I never was and never will be even though I tried so tirelessly my whole life. As long as I love and accept myself for who I’m that’s all that matters. With that said, I will keep smiling and trusting God with everything he has planned for me. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to believe it and never quit.
Sylvia Woycehoski
